Examination Hysteria - Flashback of a Flush

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7610744.stm

I was ready to LOL after reading this news piece when suddenly empathy kicked in and my first day of Grade X examination came to mind. Our examination centre was at a different school campus, the subject was HINDI, and yours truly was truly a bundle of nerves. Palpitation, parched throat, sweaty palms ... all the classic symptoms.

While I'm no Kalidas in Hindi, getting decent grades wasn't really an impossible task , but the nerves ... they probably had reasons to believe otherwise! The Hindi teacher came up to my desk looking concerned, bent down and whispered into my ears in Hindi : ' None of my students have ever done badly. Please don't set a precedence.'

So much for encouragement !

Result day : I scored 54 / 100 !! That's a long way from 'Barely passed' ... that's scoring more 50%!! 'Chaupan Prateeshat'.

Also earned a 'THANK YOU' (or was it thank GOODNESS!) smile from my teacher.

Can't believe I've never tweeted!

I want to catch up and keep pace.

I want my friends to know every single detail of every minute of my life. Don't want to keep any secrets, like sneezing and not telling anyone.

I want to microblog (just learned this word) .

I want to tweet.

More stuff on it here.

Geez.

My shot at fame and glamour

A friend sent an email some time back saying he wanted to enter this shot for a contest.

I haven't heard from him since.

One chance at entering the glam world and he goes AWOL on me. Hrmph.

There should be some kind of cosmic limit on how much body insecurity the universe can handle

Saw a young girl, in her early teens is my guess, preen in front of the dressing room mirror at Nordstorm today looking mighty un - pleased with a dress she had on. Reason - it didn't conceal the fat on her arms. Now, it averages a freakin' 110F here in Scottsdale and she was adamant that her mom bought her a longer-sleeved 'summer' frock. Not sure what they finally ended up buying.

Ok, who am I kidding. I am a sucker for well-fitting clothes (a new addiction) too. But seeing somebody that young being so particular about the yet-to-vanish baby fat made me wonder if that was normal. I would have totally understood if she'd wanted low necklines and high hemlines. Some boobage and legs to flaunt, hey why not! You got it you flaunt it. Oh, I digress.

Coming back to Missy, I am not able to decide if it's alright to be conscious about fat, figure, calories and such from such an early age.

Maybe it is. She'll grow up w/o having to feel embarrassed about ever wearing baggy 6-pocket jeans and red stonewashed over sized shirt which she thought looked 'cool'. Sigh ... why did I have to bring up a painful reminder of my past!

Maybe it adds unnecessary pressure on young teens. It's hard enough trying to focus on your studies, games, pranks, developing feminine wiles, boyfriends and the likes.

Maybe I should care less about what they care about and push my shopping cart to the footwear section and buy the 4" blue pumps to address my vertical challenge.

Striking that perfect balance

I totally 'Digg' investigative reporting! Give me a topic and I will present you with facts, factoids, arguments for / against the motion and levels of details enough to kill anyone's enthusiasm on the subject.

I can spend hours at doing this without losing interest in the subject. While I am at it. At least.
I think my interest is compounded by the fact that this type of work give me the perfect balance in the equation :

Real Work + Appearance of Work = Total Work

Isn't it amazing how 'the appearance of work' is such a valuable component of corporate life. I learned this only recently. Every time I would ask a co-worker ' so how's work?' I usually got a reply on the lines of 'I have no time to breathe!'. I'd wonder (and panic) 'Huhh?!! I am on the same project as that person, pretty much doing the same thing and how come I am not THAT busy? Is my email working?? Did I miss an email?? Was there a meeting alarm that didn't go off as scheduled? What happened?!!!'

So after panicking for a good few months I've welcomed some handy cliches used in corporate America. Now I am always busy, my weekends always end too soon, dramatic Monday Morning groans are in place, Happy Friday is a greeting and my calendar is always booked!

The voices in my head

Ask for a raise when you think you've earned it

Well, what are the chances that my boss feels the same way?

Well, you'll never know until you ask.

Well, ask and you might regret.

Well, you are just being a pessimist.

Well, I would like to call it being a realist.

I didn't even know there was a term like that. Did you mean 'optimist'.

No I mean 'realist'.

What does that mean?

Why don't you use wiki to look up for the answer?

Oh so you don't know what that means?

Of course I know what that means but it's amazing how wiki explains it all so well.

Yeah, isn't wiki amazing.

I use it all the time.

Did you know that wiki taught me all about flossing?! Their content on dental floss is very good.

Ohh, can't remember the last time I flossed. I should be more regular with that.

Yeah. And the same goes for your blogging.

You are probably right.

So are you going to ask for a raise?

I first need to figure out if I have earned it.

Maybe you can blog about it.

Maybe. Or maybe I can blog about pessimism, optimism, realism, flossing, or wiki or ....

Go away!!!

Why I don't blog

I often find myself at a loss of what to blog about. So being gifted with an 'analytical mind' - at least that's what's earned me a place in my company ledger, I decided to root-cause my problem.

Here's the problem statement, causes and next steps :

Problem statement : Scribblings on Graffiti have decreased over time. The quality of matter posted is sub-standard, disorganized and some are down-right lame. This has lead to a decline in traffic volumes and a decreased intent to blog.
This re-vamping exercise hopes to revive reader interest by increasing blog count, frequency, using catchy phrases and shameless marketing.

Cause(s) :
1) The author gets overwhelmed by the amount of meaningful conversations she could drive though her blog and faces the classic 'starting problem'.
2) The author has a very limited attention time span for anything. By the time she gets decides to write about something, she is caught up in an altogether different world, equally interesting and blog-worthy (loops back to cause # 1)
3) The author lacks passion for anything in particular. This lack of emotion is reflected in her blogs.

Short term fix :
1) It is recommended that the author make blogspot her home page. The blatant reminder each time she opens her browser should drive her to blog something.

Long term goals :
1) Just blog. Any day, anywhere, anytime, anything.
2) The author should stop making excuses for not blogging. Cause no 1 is just baloney! She lacks ideas, originality, passion and creativity and has difficulty trying to accept that.

Expected outcome :
Project is unrealistic. Funding denied.

"Age is an issue of mind over matter "

Never understood this all my life until yesterday when, I came across the complete phrase :
'Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.' - Mark Twain
Aah. Smart guy MT!

With one down, I am curious to know what these mean :

- 'The child is the father of(/to) the man.'

- 'The king is dead. Long live the king.'

?????

Can it get any cheesier than this?

Commercial on a news website :

"NRI's, Ash look alike next door!
And you never knew?
Find love within a few miles.
Apply now."

2008 Olympics

So, are you caught up in the Olympic fever? Symptoms include : increased laziness, increased TV watching and increased beer belly.

On 08.08.08, a few of us got together at my place to watch the opening ceremony and WHAT a show it was! The drums, the fireworks ... SPECTACULAR! The sheer magnanimity of it gave me goosebumps.

Spent the whole weekend watching the games. And the ads. Gotta admit, US knows how to S.E.L.L. something. Can't remember the last time I followed the Olympics with such enthusiasm. Maybe it's because I am rooting for team USA this time and they are just all over the place. Maybe it's because I know they've gone there to win not just participate.

P.S: Here's what really pissed me off. A population of billion + and "A contingent of 56 athletes will represent India, and are supported by a support-staff of 42 officials."

What the heck! 42 officials for what???

Edited to add: Just saw the medal tally. We won a gold!! India's Bindra wins gold in the Men's 10m Air Rifle

Wow!! I am really excited. And SO proud.

The funniest thing I've been called

A zip file.
What about you?

Before and After

It's amazing how a workout can flush out all negative thoughts. Here's proof!

Earlier this evening, after I missed a call from my Director my mind went :
1) It's my turn now. Given the company-wide cost cuttings that's taking place, she is going to fire me from this project.
2) I've been browsing a lot lately. Maybe she's going to reprimand me for that.

After a 1-hr high intensity Latin Impact class :
1) She must have called me to make me a full time employee because she thinks I am indispensable.
2) I might also get a 30K signing bonus.
3) She must want me to join her team in NY and work from there permanently.

Unfortunately, there is no way of knowing what her call was about until tomorrow morning. \

Till then, I'll dream moolah ! ;-$

TGIF

This has been an extremely productive day so far :

Refreshed my memory after elaborate discussions on 'Office Space'. I now know every scene, every joke, every concept it ridicules, like the back of my hand.

Solved one medium difficulty level Sudoku puzzle.

Chose between going for Hancock vs going for Happy Hour.

Followed the stock market.

Small-talked with everyone I know on this floor.

Researched the top 10 list of books that I want to read. 'The 4-hr workweek' tops my list.

Overate at lunch.

Blogged. Left comments on friends blogs.

Decided that I want to do an MBA from one of the top B-schools.

T(ed)GIF.

Yays and Nays of the week ahead

Yay's!

1) Going to CT for 10 days.
2) 3rd Wedding Anniversary coming up.
3) Spending the weekend in a Catskills resort.
4) Working out of the World Financial Center in NYC.
5) Train commute to work with coffee + donut + newspaper + laptop bag in in tow.
6) Eating tasty Aks-cooked food for as long as I'm there.

Nays.
1) None.

When small cuts bring big tears

Like a burn while trying to place the sausage on the grill and your hand touches the 375F hot roof of that damn oven.

Like the thin paper cuts, when all you wanted was to fold a piece of harmless looking paper.

Like the eeeooowww pain when you bang a limb - esp the little toe - against the edge of a wall, a door, a sink, a dining table or anything that doesn't make it's presence felt until you hit it.

Like the pinch when your skin gets caught in the tiny space between two desks or chairs.

Like when you loose your balance in the bathroom and your flailing arms reach out for the ornamental cactus in front of you. That sucker.

Stories of the contorted mind

One time, when I was probably in my teens, a kid came up to me on the club jetty and said her mom had forbidden her from talking to me. Wow! 'I am finally the girl your parents warned you against,' I thought and immediately began to gloat. Then, out of curiosity, I asked her why was she told to stay away from me and she replied 't was because I hang around with guy friends.

How lame!!

'Hmm', I tell myself, 'so, I am being talked about ... well that's good but next time try not to find out the 'why' something was said ... sorta dulls the pleasure.'

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So, I'm walking past the Calcutta GPO with a friend. He says , 'Wow isn't this building huge! Imagine how many lacs of mails and parcels it has at any given time.'

I'm awed too. And I muse, 'Wow, this building IS huge! Imagine if it catches fire.'

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My Rule Book. And it applies to you.

1) When you have nothing to say, say nothing.

2) If I really want to hear what you think, I'll ask you the third time. Until then please keep your opinions to yourself.

3) Stop trying to tell me what kind of person you are. I'd like to find that out for myself.

4) Learn to pick up hints. When I don't answer your question the first time, it's not because I didn't hear you.

5) Make up your mind. It's important for me to know that you have one.

6) Be open to new customs and no, being what-you-are is not always acceptable.

7) Don't talk for more than 2 minutes at a stretch. My response after you've spoken that long, is usually a "Hmm".

More coming up ...

When you can't beat 'em nor join 'em

Everybody buys a car for it's resale value, right?', ' We desis don't drink wine, right?', 'When you get married everything changes, right?'

Right?

Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

W.R.O.N.G.

Constantly arguing, trying to fix stupidity, being forced to have an *opinion* and remaining tactful about it is so damn stressful. I wish people stopped being so curious about what I think.

Well, unless they plan to write my biography in which case I can give them more than what they want to know as long as I can get a cut of the profits.

Anyway. I wish people understood the pain it takes to develop into a laid back, have-no-strong-feelings, whateverrr kinda person. All this interrogation plays havoc with my equilibrium. And unfortunately, the mind cannot process being opinionated and sensitive at the same time.

So if you really want to know what I think - don't ask. Just observe.

Wardrobe upgrade

Oh the world of well fitting clothes! Never one to care about what I wore as long there was a denim and a tee to get in and out of, I am absolutely thrilled by the compliments I've been getting at my workplace. To quote one colleague who I often meet in the hallway and don't yet know her name : "One day I'll go shopping in your wardrobe" :-)

How do I tell her that it took me more than five years to finally break free of my tee-kurta-jeans-tracks wear. That I had to borrow party clothes from friends and use pins and tucks to fit my petite frame.

But gone are those days now! My current wardrobe has clothes which actually are my size and well ... flatter my curves (never knew I had them in the first place!!).

Guess I'm ready for my thirties - Stylish and Sexy. Ain't that the mantra !

Coming up : The Rule-Book !

Another page from the rule-book

Ever seen those commercials on TV where a kid tells you how much he/she is enjoying that product because ‘it is rich in calcium, proteins … yada yada yada … and I lovvvve it because it is good for me’. One big, well enunciated sentence.

Ugh.

I can’t even begin to tell how much these commercials irritate me. For the life of me I cannot appreciate a two or a three year old talk like that ! Calcium, proteins, what’s good for you what’s not – you have enough time to figure that out for yourself (and learn to ignore, I kid you not!). Well, there aren’t many things that irritate me but this one makes me roll up my eyes each time and I realized what exactly bugged me – it’s someone talking and acting beyond their age. And THIS I am NOT a fan of.

I respect age. I respect wisdom. And I respect wisdom that comes with age. The natural age progression exists for a reason and there should be no messing around there.

That's what my rule-book says - loud and clear.