"When one of your lazy employees asks you to set priorities, it is a devious trick to avoid doing whatever you rank lowest. You can thwart that transparent maneuver by ranking all assignments as top priorities. Later, if an assignment doesn't get done, you can blame the employee for not working on the highest priorities. It's that simple.
If the lazy employee whines that priorities should be ranked differently, you can smooth those ruffled feathers by becoming noticeably angry. If you have to fake anger, use these simple tricks : If you're male, reach below your desk and squeeze your testicles until your face becomes flushed and your eyes bulge. If you're female, think about the fact that the male managers are sitting at their desks squeezing their testicles and getting paid more than you are; the result will be similar."
- Dogbert's Management Handbook
I couldn't stop laughing for a loooong time after I read this bit! Picked up this book for a dollar at Half Price Bookstore in Seattle last month and since then, like all Dilbert books, it's been a laugh-a-second affair.
P.S: Dogbert is Dilbert's pet dog. Dogbert is a megalomaniac intellectual, planning to one day conquer the world and enslave all humans. He once succeeded, but got bored and quit. Often seen in high ranking consultant jobs, he constantly abuses his power and fools the management of Dilbert's company. Dogbert also enjoys pulling scams on unsuspecting, and usually dull customers to steal their money. However, despite Dogbert's cynical exterior, he has been known to pull his master out of some tight jams.
If the lazy employee whines that priorities should be ranked differently, you can smooth those ruffled feathers by becoming noticeably angry. If you have to fake anger, use these simple tricks : If you're male, reach below your desk and squeeze your testicles until your face becomes flushed and your eyes bulge. If you're female, think about the fact that the male managers are sitting at their desks squeezing their testicles and getting paid more than you are; the result will be similar."
- Dogbert's Management Handbook
I couldn't stop laughing for a loooong time after I read this bit! Picked up this book for a dollar at Half Price Bookstore in Seattle last month and since then, like all Dilbert books, it's been a laugh-a-second affair.
P.S: Dogbert is Dilbert's pet dog. Dogbert is a megalomaniac intellectual, planning to one day conquer the world and enslave all humans. He once succeeded, but got bored and quit. Often seen in high ranking consultant jobs, he constantly abuses his power and fools the management of Dilbert's company. Dogbert also enjoys pulling scams on unsuspecting, and usually dull customers to steal their money. However, despite Dogbert's cynical exterior, he has been known to pull his master out of some tight jams.
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